


Horrendously Helpful Harry

by Afrokot



Category: Dexter Series - Jeff Lindsay, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fusion, Dark Humor, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-21
Updated: 2013-02-21
Packaged: 2017-12-03 04:25:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/694103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Afrokot/pseuds/Afrokot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A different scene at the Shrieking Shack (HP and the prisoner of Azkaban).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Horrendously Helpful Harry

**Author's Note:**

> **Major Character Death, But Not Outside Canon** (Rowling offed them too, eventually).

_Black and Lupin stood shoulder to shoulder, wands raised._

_"You should have realised," said Lupin quietly, "if Voldemort didn't kill you, we would. Good-bye, Peter."_

_Hermione covered her face with her hands and turned to the wall._  

 

"Avada Kedavra!" the sound of two voices combined was loud and clear, two beams of green light surged to the quivering figure of the traitor. The pitiful excuse for a human being, at long last dead for real, hit the floor with a loud thud.

"Uh, I hate to interrupt this act of a well deserved revenge, but maybe we should postpone the celebration of your happy reunion for a tiny bit longer?" Harry looked at the ceiling. "I fear we have a more pressing matter to attend to at the moment."

They stared blankly at him.

"Do you by any chance remember what kind of night is tonight?" the question was clearly rhetorical. "The night of the full moon?" he added politely with an expression of mild concern showing on his face.

There was a long pause, then the realisation downed: Lupin paled considerably, while Black swore, colourfully and vehemently.

"I… I forgot to drink my potion," mumbled the fearsome beast.  

Hermione chose that moment to turn around and peek at them through her fingers, looking alarmed and almost frightened.

"No need to worry, but we must move quickly," Harry fumbled for a glass vial in his robe pocket. "Here, drink this. It won't do a thing to your wolf, but maybe it'll slow the transformation a little."

Lupin took the posion without a word, but his gaze was inquiring, so Harry elaborated, "Just a sleeping potion borrowed from Snape," he seemed sheepish. "Sometimes I have nightmares, so…" 

"Why not go to madam Pomfrey?" fortuitously, professor's apparent concerned was for Harry's well-being, and not for the quality of an unknown concoction in a nondescript dark glass vial. 

"Didn't want to bother anyone," he said it uncertainly, as if unsure of the right answer. "Besides, it was fun to sneak in Snape's storeroom," he added, shrugging nonchalantly.

Black actually chuckled at that and declared with a wild mix of sadness and joy, "James would have been so proud of you!" 

Lupin uncorked the vial, gulped its content down in one great swallow… and promptly collapsed to the floor.

Ignoring Harry's reassurances of "he's fine" and "don't worry", Black dashed to his fallen friend. Gracelessly falling on his knees next to the professor, he ditched his wand in haste to check pulse. Which, of course, couldn't have been found.

Panicked, Black started to say something sounding peculiarly like "He is dea…", but couldn't end the sentence before swiftly casted Stupefy cut him off.

Ron scoffed derisively muttering "bloody morons" under his breath. Harry lowered his wand and summoned those of adults. Hermione just looked annoyed.

"Poisoning a teacher? Really, Harry?" she asked with no small amount of exasperation.

Harry arranged his features to express surprise, then quickly changed it to an apologetic regret, "Must be the wrong bottle," he lamented demurely. "It's an accident! Really tragic and heartbreaking accident," he shook his head sorrowfully, took a deep breath and finished practically representing the textbook picture for innocence: "I'm truly sorry." 

Judging by her sceptical expression, Hermione didn't buy it, so Harry continued: "Anyway, he's a dangerous creature, I was acting in self-defence!"

"Uh-huh," she raised an eyebrow expectantly.

"…Preemtively." 

Ron, who enjoyed the show quite a bit despite the pain he was in and two dead bodies nearby, snorted from his spot on the floor. Apparently, he wasn't fooled either. 

"And he pissed me off," murmured Harry at last. 

"That's more like it, mate!"

"Well, I agree, he was a dreadful bore, but don't you think killing is a too drastic measure?" Hermione, always the voice of reason, couldn't not ask that question.

"Why, I basically made him a favour! He was so depressingly pathetic, I simply had to put him out of his misery!"

Hermione looked thoughtful if not convinced, but apparently it was enough to let the matter slide. She was all businesslike the next second. "I assume, you have a plan?" she wondered nodding in Black's direction. 

"As a matter of fact, I do." A slow smirk curved his lips, all pretence suddenly dropped. "Black, being a cunning criminal he is rumoured to be, convinced Lupin of his story; the werewolf was so outranged by the tale that right after Pettigrew was forcibly returned to a human form, Lupin killed him on site. Meanwhile, Black sneaked behind him and casted Avada Kedavra of his own, killing Lupin in turn…"

"Why would he do that?"

"Why?" echoed Harry, mildly peeved at the interruption. "How should I know? I'm not a psychotic convict on the run," shrugging, he added, "Obviously, he is as mad as a hatter - prolonged exposure to dementors would do that to any person, no doubt there… In any case, you, Hermione, smart and brave witch with no fear at heart, managed to Stupefy dangerous deranged cold-blooded murderer, and thus saved us all the repeat of Lupin's fate. Thanks, by the way! Then we…" 

"What about poison?" Hermione rudely interrupted his speech again. 

"What about it?"

"Shouldn't there be an examination in order to determine the cause of death?"

"Oh, that! Don't worry, it's untraceable - as I said I did raid Snape's storeroom."

"Yeah, good thing the bat doesn't know! You'd be in a world of pain by now otherwise." 

"Your vote of confidence is greatly appreciated, Ron," he deadpanned.

"Oi! It's your fault you never tell us anything!"

Instead of acknowledging Ron's remark, Harry said cryptically, "Though I have a feeling, he'd understand. Back to the topic at hand, do you really believe there will be any investigation, Hermione?" 

"Not really, but one must take caution in such a situation."

"Fair enough. Anyway, we left Snape, who fortunately is still unconscious, here and were on our merry way back to school - in search of the authorities, naturally - when demetors decided to show up. There came in handy the Patronus charm, what a lucky coincidence I could cast it! But since I'm good, but sadly not _that_ good, not before they relieved Black of his dark black soul," he chuckled at the pun. "Such a pity, really, but alas…"

"It might actually work…"

"Doubting my marvellously clever plan?" covering his heath with left hand, Harry staggered backward. "You wound me, Hermione!" the tone of his voice showed a perfect mixture of hurt and indignation.

"If only," she muttered rolling her eyes skyward. "How do we dispose of Black?" 

"Dump him on a clearing somewhere nearby, and watch from a safe distance, of course," Ron followed his train of thought nicely. 

"Exactly! Let's not deprive the tireless guards of Azkaban of their well-deserved snack! They have been waiting for so long already! Let's limp!"

"Harry! This is not funny!"

"You're hilarious, mate."

"Why, yes, it is and I certainly am, thanks, Ron!"

"Boys, focus!" snapped Hermione, refreshing Stupefy and casting Mobilicorpus on Black in quick succession, while Harry helped Ron to an upright position. "This is a serious matter!"

After a brief pause, during which they all turned to look at their prisoner, Ron laughed. 

"Merlin! I can't believe I said that!" she made a face. "Gosh, I blame your terrible influence!"

Harry kept smiling indulgently. 

"Hey! Why don't we off the greasy git? It's our greatest opportunity!"

"Ron, he is our teacher!" Hermione scolded him half-heartedly, more out of habit and long practise than anything else. 

Harry hummed thoughtfully, "Tempting, tempting… Alas, no," he grinned, his gaze falling to the Potion Master momentarily. "And as you know, I really genuinely like the guy." 

Ron grumbled, sighed dramatically, "Yeah, yeah. And it's still an unfathomable mystery to me."

"Besides, he is the only witness. Aside from us, obviously, but it doesn't count."

Their friendly bickering continued all the way out of the Shack.

* * * 

Severus Snape waited for the voices to fade. How could he miss something of such magnitude? How exactly these little snakes disguised as lion cubs were sorted not in his house? He had a lot to think about. But not now. Slowly a smirk stretched his lips, in the light of the full moon his eyes glinted oddly: for the first time in nearly twelve years he was hearing the sound of invisible wings unfurling, a sibilant chuckle echoed at the edge of his perception.


End file.
